Five Tips for
Healthy Marriage
Reclaim your date night. Remember staying up all night talking on the phone, or sitting
outside in your spouse’s car – just to hear his/her voice a little longer? Did
you used to play cards or take the Jet Ski’s out on Saturdays? Don’t give up
your date night, just because you have children or because all the bills are
due. It is a NECESSITY to learn to play together again. At least once a month,
set an appointment to have a date together. Do something you enjoyed before
getting married, try something new, and go out to dinner without the kids. And
call it a date. Get dressed up or dressed down, whatever fits your personality.
The good thing about dates: they don’t have to be costly. Just something fun,
something energetic, just the two of you.
Boundaries with the Children and Careers. Though the economy is not looking great, don’t go into panic
mode chasing the almighty dollar. Your spouse needs your time and attention.
Though the children need enriching activities and have important sporting
events, they need to see their parents love each other more. Set a limit on how
many hours you will work this week. Put the children to bed at an earlier time
or enforce quiet time in their rooms after a specific hour. Make sure you have
at least 30 minutes of quality time together so you can listen and empathize
with your marriage partner’s day. Also, share things with your husband because,
he is not a mind reader like the romance novels would lead you to believe.
There is a reason why they call those books “Fiction.” Getting to know each other
doesn’t stop at “I do”.
Allow Each Other To Have Some Space. It isn’t a bad thing to have individual interests. If he wants
to play golf, she can spend the time catching up on some shopping with the
girls. Make sure to practice appropriate boundaries by sharing your individual
interests with the same sex (men go out with male friends; women go out with
female friends). Don’t be surprised if you both start to appreciate having new
things to share with each other. The old cliché “Absence makes the heart grow
fonder” may ring true after you have shared a day apart from one another.
Spice Up the Intimate Moments. Have fun giving each other kisses or long embraces, and listen
to your kids say, “Ewww, gross!” Send the children to grandma’s, or allow them to
spend the night with a trusted friend, so you can rekindle the romance in your
home. Try new positions, take a bath together, get out the soft music and
scented candles. Men, if you prepare your wives, I can almost guarantee she’ll
return the favor before the night is over.
Fight fair. This can be much more difficult than it sounds. Expect to have disagreements or to get angry at each other when things donot go as planned. But do NOT call each other hurtful names, do NOT say “I don’t love you or I’m going to leave”, and do NOT fight in front of the children if possible. Before you embrace an argument, think about whether or not it is worth the energy. Does it really matter if it was you or him that forgot to turn out the lights or should you save your energy for discussing something that is important like not forgetting to pick up Jane from school again? Remember to pick your battles. Life will go on if the electric bill goes up a few dollars, but will be detrimental if you neglect your parental responsibilities.
Fight fair. This can be much more difficult than it sounds. Expect to have disagreements or to get angry at each other when things donot go as planned. But do NOT call each other hurtful names, do NOT say “I don’t love you or I’m going to leave”, and do NOT fight in front of the children if possible. Before you embrace an argument, think about whether or not it is worth the energy. Does it really matter if it was you or him that forgot to turn out the lights or should you save your energy for discussing something that is important like not forgetting to pick up Jane from school again? Remember to pick your battles. Life will go on if the electric bill goes up a few dollars, but will be detrimental if you neglect your parental responsibilities.
This article on marriage advice was
written by Sandi Burchfield, M.S.
